What to do with all the leftovers?

Leave them in the freezer until next Thanksgiving, when you’ll find them there along with the leftovers from Thanksgiving 2007 (and the lasagna from March 2003)?

Give them to Aunt Evelyn as a belated birthday gift, even if her birthday was in December? And you haven’t seen Aunt Evelyn since she got sick after you served her the 2003 lasagna in 2009.

Suggest to your kids that the leftovers will be part of their inheritance — along with the four sugar-bowl-and-creamer sets you just found in the back of the cupboard above the stove?

Throw the rest of them out because there are just so many times you can eat turkey tetrazzini for breakfast?

Of course not. Instead, be creative, be culinarily adventurous. Try these leftover recipes that have been left over since Thanksgiving ’99.

Turkey Frisbees

Pound 12 ounces of turkey scraps into the shape of a thin, round disc. Line with aluminum foil and bake for two hours or until the smoke alarm goes off.

            Crunchy bathroom grout

Combine the jellied cranberry sauce with the pan gravy for grout that you can use to repair the shower stall upstairs. Works best if you never intend to use that bathroom or plan on moving next month.

            Open-faced sweet-potato green-bean spicy-sausage-Waldorf-ham-salad

In a large mixing bowl, blend at high speed any ingredients that you used during Thanksgiving that haven’t yet turned moldy. Taste carefully. Spit out. Add mold.

                       French-fried turkey legs with leftover giblet stuffing

Chop the giblets until they no longer resemble giblets. Continue chopping until you have forgotten what a giblet is. Stuff them in an old suitcase.

            Gravy boat cruises

After the shower stall is fixed, fill the bathtub with pan juices. Deglaze with artisanal pickle brine. See if anything floats. Simmer until summer. Put your house on the market.

             Eggplant carrot cheesy hotcake quiches

A perfect breakfast pick-me-up that will keep you on your holiday diet and prevent you from eating food for the rest of the week. Bring some to the emergency room while you wait for triage.

            Open-faced smoked turkey cigarillos

Completely gluten-free and very good for repairing the garage door or for bringing to a holiday potluck at work if you intend to retire soon.

            Lemongrass mushroom high-speed gravy trains

Look in the fridge. Does anything look like lemongrass? Do you even know what lemongrass is? Would anybody else know? Tell everybody it’s lemongrass, even if it’s raspberry lemonade.

            Jellied cranberry wireless drones

Excellent for breakfast, lunch, dinner or small-scale invasions.


            It’s where Istanbul is.