On the Internet, you can say anything, because no one knows who you are — unless, of course, you use your real name, like I do. Then they may know who you actually are, and send you angry emails when you make a grammatical mistake; or put a semi-colon where a comma would have sufficed.

But you always can explain that it’s not really your real name and, instead, it’s the name of your cousin from New York.

That freedom to be anonymous and to say anything consequently induces many people to comment on everything, whether or not they actually have something to say. Here’s a multiple choice quiz about online comments. Choose which anonymous online comment was in response to the following newspaper articles:

“Tomorrow’s high temperature will be 87 degrees, with the likelihood of thunderstorms late in the day and a dusting of locusts possible overnight.”

A: You’re an idiot.

B: What do you know about weather, huh? I know more about weather than you ever did, including knowing how to translate centigrade to Fahrenheit (Double the number, subtract 10 percent, add 32, you idiot.)

C: It’s the government’s fault.

“Down by five in the bottom of the ninth inning, the New York Mets struck quickly and battered the Washington Nationals’ bullpen to escape with an 8-7 win.”

A: It’s not the government’s fault. It’s the media’s fault.

B: So’s your old man.

C: I don’t understand why the papers can’t print some good, positive news, like instructions about how you convert centigrade to Fahrenheit.

“The Dow Jones Industrial Average declined yesterday by 127 points, as shares fell on lackluster earnings. The Lackluster Company, LLP, in its annual report to investors, refused to explain what LLP stood for and attributed the drop in value to a hike in overseas imports and a decline in under-seas kelp.”

A: You’re still an idiot.

B: I am outraged that so few commenters have expressed any outrage about this. What are we coming to in this country if we are unwilling to tolerate people not being tolerant?

C: It’s the government media’s fault. They’re in Cahoots, a small town in Wyoming.

“With election day quickly approaching, polls show that an increasing number of voters don’t believe in electoral polls and have an unfavorable view of everyone.”

A: When are the Nationals ever going to fix their bullpen? Sorry, I missed the other story.

B: Your old man’s an idiot, too.

C: I make $720 a week at home doing nothing, and you can, too. Just follow this link and if you’re asked to give money to regain control of your computer, make sure you have enough cash in your debit card account to cover the cost.

Answers: I am really my cousin from New York.

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