Here’s an update on my training progress for The Great Saunter, a 32-mile, 12-hour walk around the perimeter of Manhattan island that I have registered for while under the influence of extreme stupidity.

(I also blame my 25-year-old daughter, who has 25-year-old legs and feet, and who said, during a conversation, “We can do this.” I think she was talking to her legs and feet.)

Information put out by the organizers of the saunter says, in fact, that anyone can do it. I think I can prove them wrong.

Training Day 1 — I begin to comprehend that 32 miles is many letters longer than a 5K. It’s more like a 5Z. It is also six miles longer than a marathon, which is 26.2 miles longer than napping. It is, in fact, the equivalent of walking from here to there when there is very, very far away.

Days 2 through 11 — Snow, freezing rain, sleet, cold and locusts keep me from training. I consider moving north to find more snow, freezing rain, sleet and cold to keep me from training.I buy my own locusts.

Day 12 — While it is still freezing outside, I pick up a copy of “Walking for Dummies.” I am exhausted by chapter two, which recommends that you put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you wiggle it all about.

Day 13 — I am sore from too much wiggling.

Day 14 — With the weather still bad outside, I begin walking indoors. I figure if I walk 3,047,218 times between the bedroom and the kitchen, that will be the 32 miles.

Day 15 — The weather is nicer outside, so I start working my way up gradually to the saunter, beginning with a meander. Soon, I should be ready to amble. After that, I may try to stroll, wander and even promenade. If all goes well, moseying won’t be far off.

Day 16 — I walk 3.7 miles and wonder if I can put this mileage on my federal 1040. At the IRS rate of 56 cents per mile, my 3.7 miles would be worth $2.07, which I can put toward my emergency room co-pay.

Day 17 — I walk 4.8 miles and my feet officially lodge a complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission.

Day 18 — I walk 5.3 miles, concentrating on the fact that if this, indeed, was the Great Saunter, I would be almost completely done except for the remaining 26.7 miles and 10 and a half hours.

Day 19 — I walk 6.1 miles. On my right foot, I develop an inflamed extensor tendon, caused by walking half of the time on my right foot.

Day 20 — I walk 6.9 miles. On my left foot, there is a painful thickening of the tissue on the ball of the foot, also known as Morton’s neuroma. I try to return it to Morton, but he is out making salt.

Day 21 — I walk 7.4 miles and I have 7.4 injuries. I figure it’s a wash.

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