It was a year to remember, and I wish I could. I know I put it somewhere. I’m pretty sure I had it when I walked into the room, if I could just remember which room I walked into.

Then again, it’s possible I left it in the car.

There’s a chance, too, that it’s somewhere in the desk, hidden under the 2009 insurance receipts I said I would file by 2012.

In any case, while I may not remember the whole year precisely, I am sure I do remember My Top 10 Accomplishments for 2014. They were the highlights, the high points, and they had the critical advantage of not happening in 2013.

Here they are:

1). I never used the word “dude” in a sentence.

2). I put together a do-it-yourself floor lamp all by myself, except for the fact the lamp didn’t work and there were three screws and two bolts left over that are still in the box.

(Three months later, the floor lamp still works as well as it did at the beginning, as long as you don’t need much light or stare too closely at the back right part of the lamp where you can see the screws sticking out.)

3). On May 17, I finally remembered the name of the guy that I ran into in the potato chip lane of the supermarket on Feb. 6.

On that same date, I also set a record for longest conversation in the potato chip lane while avoiding using the name of the person I was having the conversation with.

4). During the entire month of March, I didn’t hurt my back. Not once. I almost made it through September, as well, if I hadn’t tried to move the new floor lamp so you couldn’t see the screws sticking out.

5). I changed all my computer passwords. To provide security and prevent hacking and identity theft, I created a new identity. While that identity was seven inches taller and a Nobel Peace Prize winner, it also couldn’t remember passwords. So I created passwords that were completely arbitrary and included the symbols #$%^&*.

Or maybe it was *&^%$#.

6). I wrote down most of my new computer passwords. Unfortunately, I wrote them down on a computer account that I needed a password to access.

7). I set the East Coast record for longest time remaining on my to-do list with items number 8, 17 and 26. Item 41 was officially named to the To-Do List Hall of Fame.

8). I found my wallet after I was sure I left it on the restaurant table and blamed my wife for not reminding me that I left it on the restaurant table. It turned out, the wallet was in my pocket, and I blamed my pocket for not reminding me it was there.

9). Not once did I use an emoticon in an e-mail or text.

10). I finally figured out what LOL means. Ha!

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