OMG, BTW, ICYMI you can LOL at this POW.

Yeah, I don’t have any idea what any of that means either.

While I’m generally proficient with real words, words that have syllables and, you know, meaning, in a world where communications are limited to 140 characters or an opposable thumb or two, I am out of it. Or OOI.

And I know I’m not the only one — NTOO.

Many people who were not born with intravenous Twitter feeds and Snapchat sensibilities have this same problem. What we need, I think, are shorthand abbreviations and acronyms for other, more mature generations. Like mine.

I just happen to have some suggestions here.

MKH: My knees hurt.

IDWTHAYSWWTAMK: I don’t want to hear about your stent when we’re talking about my knees.

GADAT: Got a doctor’s appointment today.

SOOTN: Specialist, out of the network.

DYSTOTM: Did you see the obits this morning?

WKHWOFS: Who knew he was only 57?

WWTNOTMHWI: What was the name of that movie he was in? Not the one with the bank robbery in Greece. The murder case in San Francisco.

YAWHMTWHN: Yeah, and wasn’t he married to what’s-her-name?

YISWBG: Yes, I still watch baseball games.

NIDSWE: No, I don’t sleep well either.

AYKHTPI: Ask your kids how to program it.

IFMP: I forgot my password.

OCLDTSOCMNTN: Of course let’s do the seven o’clock movie, not the nine.

WCEFBWOFTG: We can eat first, but watch out for the gluten.

CYBIBFYSTBWOES: Can you believe it’s been fifty years since the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan show?

INLTGE: I never liked Topo Gigio either.

WK: What’s kale?

WKP: Who’s Katy Perry?

ITD: I’ll take decaf.

OHT (IYHS): Or herbal tea (If you have Sleepytime).

GGAFTD: Gotta go and find the defribillator.

SWAKS: Sealed with a kidney stone.