I’d like to fly from here to there.

Would you accept other airports within 50 miles of your preferred airport or would you just prefer to stick with airports where you actually will be able to find your car when you return?

Are these dates the actual dates you want to travel or are you flexible and willing to go in February of 2015 instead?

Will this be round-trip or one-way? Will it be non-stop or one-stop? Will it be stuck at Chicago’s O’Hare for most of your vacation even though you were heading to Philadelphia?

Do you want us to search by city, point of interest, region, airport or nutritional value?

Oops, the price of your flight has just gone up by $57.

Do you have a preferred airline? Or do you assume that all of them will most likely lose your luggage?

Do you have a frequent flyer card? Cards that you still have from Eastern Airlines, Piedmont Airlines, Pan American and Circuit City are not acceptable.

If you do have a current frequent flyer card, do you know the number or is that just the combination for your locker at the YMCA?

Do you want to add a hotel to your ticket? Do you want to add a rental car? Do you want to add a seat that’s not next to somebody who has a cold and no handkerchief?

Do you want an aisle or a window seat or, as usual, would you prefer to be wedged between two enormous sleeping people with crying babies?

Yikes, the price of your flight price just rose by $38.

Do you understand that the price of this flight does not include fees for security, food, luggage, the airline magazine or a pilot?

Do you know we no longer have airline magazines?

Please select the flight for your departure.

Are you surprised that the fare seems remarkably affordable? Have you noticed that this is the flight that leaves at 4:25 in the morning and goes by way of Manitoba?

Please note, as well, that the flight that is actually convenient and works with your schedule and goes to the right airport does not have any more seats left. We left that listing there on the screen just to show you how close you were and what you could have had if you had just booked three minutes earlier.

Do you have a small black rolling suitcase that looks identical to everyone else’s? If you do, that makes it harder for us to find after we send it to San Diego by mistake and the cost of your flight goes up another $41.

Please select a flight for your return. This is assuming you want to return or would just prefer to sit on the tarmac in your tiny seat with the air conditioning off until the price goes up again or you are able to unbend your knees.

 
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